08/30/07

No Fault

By

Akasha Gloria Hull

It’s your fault, sister

You danced in front of your uncle

When you were three

With just your panties on

So, it’s your fault, baby

All your fault—

That your father needed a second wife

Who looked just like your mother

That your mother only had

Her daughter to love

That your grown up brother

Took you for a toy

When he was drunk

That Satan’s family

Wanted a ritual victim

The neighbor next door

A backyard thrill

That your stepfather really believed

He wasn’t any kin to you

That the deacon said God commanded you

To be his little angel

That the people at daycare

Played mommy-and-daddy

Played a nasty patty cake with you

Remember, it was you who danced

In your baby-pink panties

It’s all your fault

That they fondled and patted

Fingered and poked

Rubbed, sucked

Diddled, daddled, and fucked

On you

It’s your fault, sister

Your fault

The voices, the internal tape

Droning on and on

It’s your fault

You know that you did it

So, it’s all your fault

The tapes and the voices

Staining deeper and deeper

It’s your fault

It’s your fault

It’s your fault

Sister, women

Sit down lotus here

In front of me

Lay your hot palms

In my own two hands

Head to head, heart to heart

Look me in the eye

And say out loud,

However, softly;

"It wasn’t my fault."

I give it back to you,

The anger and blessing mingling;

"No, it wasn’t your fault,

It was never, ever your fault,

It was not your fault."

You were just a child

(It wasn’t your fault)

You’re a beautiful woman now

With so much good in you

To give the world

(No, it wasn’t your fault)

They always try to say we did it

Always place the blame on us

It wasn’t my fault, either

I was just a little girl, too

Another sweet spirit filled with joy

Like you

It wasn’t your fault

It wasn’t my fault

No, it wasn’t your fault,

It was never, ever my fault

It was not your fault

Another sister’s hands

Join this circle of healing

She adds her voice

To the growing song:

"It wasn’t your fault,

I love you

Love yourself

Forgive the awful nothing

That you did

Love yourself

Love yourself"

Look me, mirror, in the eye

And speak out loud and free:

It wasn’t my fault

Goddamn the liars

It was not my fault

(sense the note of surprise)

It was not my fault

(hear the real conviction)

It wasn’t my fault

(let the new-found knowledge sink through)

Now, say it with a smile

(I am laughing here with you,

helping to fan the sparkle inside)

It wasn’t my fault

(she’s up now, dancing,

pulling a chain of feet

to shout with her):

It wasn’t our fault

It wasn’t our fault

It wasn’t your fault

It wasn’t my fault

It wasn’t our fault

It isn’t our fault

It isn’t our fault

It wasn’t our fault